i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
