I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
