Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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