I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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