Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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