Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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