i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
