So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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