"it" just moved
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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