this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
