Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
