If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
