took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
COCAINE IS GR8
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
