Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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