1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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