someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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