THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
