i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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