So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
