Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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