True but thats because hes a fetus.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
