I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
