thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
