Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
