It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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