I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
