She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
