I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
