Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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