Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
