Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
