My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
