The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
