Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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