also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
