guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
