I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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