tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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