Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Someone shit on the floor
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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