you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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