Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
