Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
