She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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