I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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