I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
