i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Rumble strips road head = magical
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
