we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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