big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
