Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
