What did we do last night that was yellow?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We had sex on a dog bed..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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