look no pants
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
