I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
