I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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