We got so high we made milksteak
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
