Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it was like eating out sand paper
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
