I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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