Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
