A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
