I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
